Just popping my head up to say ‘hello’

I don’t have many readers so I’m not sure who notices that I haven’t updated in a few months but a few friends who do have said that they’re curious about what I’ve been up to so I thought I’d post a quick update.

First, as you all probably can guess, things are busier now that Noah is 17-months old (time jets!). He’s now down to 1 nap a day and sometimes they are short, giving me just enough time to eat lunch.

In addition to joining 2 playgroups, 1 recreational class, and MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers), we also make regular visits with the grandparents and Noah’s cousins. I’m a homebody and would love to stay in most of the time but our boy is in the “exploring” stage of his development so we spend at least half of the day “joyriding” around town (Noah recently [finally] switched to a convertible car seat and loves long drives) running various errands.

But more importantly, I guess I haven’t been blogging because I haven’t been wanting to “distill” and reflect as often.

One reason for this is because I’m finally reading some new parenting books, beyond titles such as “Toddler 411” and “What to Expect The First Year.” Now that I’m a little more confident with handling Noah’s day-to-day physical needs, I’m starting to think about how to nurture his other developmental needs and how to define our parenting “perspective.”

I know that some of you probably have already thought through these issues BEFORE having children but Charlie and I aren’t the kind of parents who can grapple with these issues hypothetically.  Even though being sleep deprived and busy isn’t the best time to dive into this kind of reflection, I find that the book discussions have stronger resonance because we are deep in the trenches.

I’m still going through all of the books (I tend to start and read 3 – 4 books concurrently) but some of the titles that are giving me food for thought are: Parenting Inc, MotherStyles, The Hurried Child, I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids, and a few other Chinese titles (I’ll update these later if anyone is interested). Hopefully I will come out of this reading hibernation with a better sense of my identity (and philosophy) as a parent and a stay-at-home-mom.

The other reason that I’ve been “off line” until now is because of some “sadness” (for lack of a better word) that happened last year. I’ve debated for a long time on whether to blog about this (and actually wrote 2 draft posts) but in the end, I’ve decided to just mention them and move on…

So…the biggest sadness is that my old pastor, the one who married Charlie and I, ended his marriage after having an affair.

Then after that, our friend passed away from heart failure, after her failed marriage.

A few weeks later, a childhood friend’s baby son died in the NICU after a premature birth.

Then the college-aged daughter of a church member died in her sleep despite being in apparent good health.

I don’t know why these things happened. To be honest, I don’t have the kind of close relationship with these people to have the “right” to suffer and feel any pain….but still, there was this dull, mild depression that sat in the back of my mind. The feeling is like being a witness to a multi-car accident with many casualties…and not being able to shake the memory of seeing the tragedy.

Like I said, these things didn’t happen to my close family or friends. And our lives really weren’t impacted in any way except when I sat down to reflect on life.

But I don’t have any answers. And only God knows what He has planned for us. So I’m going to blog about them here and move on. I do, however, take comfort in the hope that someday we will all see each other in heaven again (God willing), even my old pastor, whom we (my girlfriends and I) now refer to as “Darth Vader”.

I’m sorry if this post puts a damper on your week but I promise to be back with more uplifting (or at least less heavy) updates. I just needed some place to “dump” all this and I figured, the black hole of cyberspace is a good place to bury everything.

In any case, until next time..may everyone enjoy the fresh spring and cheery weather.


3 Replies to “Just popping my head up to say ‘hello’”

  1. i read, only when you post. 😉
    sorry to hear that you’ve been down. the issues you mentioned are quite common around us. we can have a chat the next time we meet up. have fun chasing after noah!

  2. jenny,
    as we grow older, we have to deal with lots of issues (aging parents, child-raising, maintaining health, sanity, financial stability, etc.) it’s not easy… and that’s what life’s about! i’m cool with it if you want to talk about this some more the next time i am in town. take care! enjoy your posts!

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